T is for Teenage
Author: Hannurdock 

A collection of drabbles. Even Ninja Turtles make mistakes. After all, they are only half-human.

Fic co-written with Onlymehere.

Rated: PG

Michelangelo - Windows of Carnal Delights
By Hannurdock (Universe : 2003 Cartoon)

I patrol at least five times a week with my brothers. We leap across rooftops and take out bad guys as and when we find them. I am easily distracted, and when left alone, can find myself straying from the True Path.

Sensai once told us that the True Path is one of Spiritual Enlightenment. Our bodies are vessels that possess insight into a higher state of being. Our needs are miniscule compared to the power of our souls.

I try to stay on the True Path but, to be honest, sometimes I drift onto a path all my own.

One night, I found myself drifting right off the Path and onto some unknown highway leading to something completely new.

We had been patrolling separately when I heard soft moans coming from an apartment nearby. Encouraged by the thought of some bad guy beat-down, I tracked the source and watched open-mouthed through the window as two sweaty human bodies united beneath satin bed sheets.

It was the first time I'd ever caught anyone in 'the act' and I was relatively young and naive. At first, I thought they were playing some crude wrestling game.

But then the sheets slid off and I got a full-on view.

I felt an unknown warmth coming from down below and shuddered with dull shame. It was earthy and wild and spontaneous.

Turns out, sex is just like me.

I watched, unaware of my brother standing to my left.

Raphael shook his head and laughed out loud. "Enjoying da view, Mikey?"

I practically fell off the ledge I was perched on. "Raph! What the shell!"

"Don't worry. I'll keep yer dirty secret." Raph smirked. He was having too much fun with this. I racked my brain for a good come-back, but all I could see was naked people dancing in my brain.

"Yeah, well, I don't do this normally. You know? I just - gulp - found them this way." It wasn't the wittiest reply, but my brain was otherwise engaged. I'm sure my beak was deepening in colour, and Raph had a cat-that-ate-the-cream look about him.

I flipped off the ledge and moved over to my chuckling brother. A heavy warmth lay on my belly and I tried to forget the passion I'd seen. It was too distracting.

"Come on bro, let's go patrol." Raph sighed, grabbing my shoulder. "Before ya pop a blood vessel."

He is going to get it later. I'm already thinking about my prank revenge and, thankfully, the image seared into my brain of two naked people is finally fading. Gulp. A little.

Donatello - Experiments in Experience
By Onlymehere (Universe : 2003 Cartoon)

I glanced nervously at my locked lab door, reassuring myself that I would be left alone. My family usually never bothered me when I was working, and I had expressly told them that I would be beginning an important new "experiment". I had nothing to worry about, I hoped.

I swallowed hard, compulsively adjusting the supplies I had. The small packet was slick against my fingers; the small yellow tablet inside pulling me in, dangerously beckoning to me. I noticed there was a small turtle stamped onto the front of it, oh the irony. Dumping the tablet into my hand, I grabbed my water, and quickly swallowed it, not giving myself time to think. My heart rate skyrocketed before the pill had time to hit my stomach; I drank more water and breathed deeply to calm my nerves. If my calculations were correct, I would have less than five minutes to wait. I pulled out my notebook, determined to record everything.

The warmness started in my chest, filtering out to the rest my body, filling me with giddiness and energy. A massive smile plastered itself across my face as I wiggled my fingers and toes, giggling at the tickling sensation it produced. Instantly aware of the silence that smothered my lab I frowned. Music. That's what I was missing, music! My hands were on my radio, fumbling quickly over the buttons. Top40: too upbeat, Classical: too slow, Metal: too loud, Alternative: too Raph, Dubstep: Oh, I like that; that feels good. The bass pulsed through me, my heart vibrating out of my chest with each beat. Smiling at the intensity, I danced; I could feel and see the music, colors dancing before my eyes in a mesmerizing smear, taking me away. My eyes fell upon my phone. I had to tell April about this!

The ringing made my head buzz.

"Ay! April! Its real cool over here! You'd like how pretty the colors are 'n stuff, is your favorite color green or pink? I can't remember, but I'll try to save some of both for you so you can see how pretty it is watermelons are pink and green, do you like watermelon? I don't, I think it tastes funny peaches are much better I could make the color peach with pink and orange. Orange feels weird. Colors are fun to touch; they feel all fuzzy and soft, except orange. Orange feels stupid, like Mikey. Mkay, bye!"

As I closed my phone, it slipped between my thick fingers, falling to the floor. I looked down, frowning; the floor was so far away! Clinging to the tables, I slowly lowered myself to the floor, plopping onto my stomach. The cool floor tingled against my skin, every molecule of air danced in my lungs, the room was alive. I lay on the floor for hours, laughing to myself and enjoying the sensations that crossed my body; I felt amazing.

A slight headache pushed through my euphoria, nausea soon followed. My blood began boiling in my veins and sweat dripped freely from my forehead; I was uncomfortably hot and the temperature was rising with each second. I drank countless glasses of water to no avail, eventually deciding a tub of cool water would reduce my discomfort. Feeling worse by the second, I stumbled out of my lab; I had to get to the bathroom. Now. Why did I think this was a good idea?

"How's ya experiment goin' Donny?" Raph's voice touched me through the darkness.

I flinched, startled. "Justfine!Ijust needtoheadtothebathroom!" Sprinting towards the bathroom, I ran smack into my red brother's chest. His hands closed gently around my shoulders.

"Woah! Easy there bro. Ya talkin' a mile a minute. Ya sure ev'rythin's alright?"

Trembling pathetically, I squeaked, "Yeah!FINE!" I couldn't let him know.

"No, ya not." He stated matter-of-factly and stared deeply into my dilated pupils. I was positive he could feel the heat radiating from me; a deep shame overwhelmed me.

How could I do this to my family? What if we had been attacked while I was like this? I would have been a liability or worse.

Tears began to fall freely from my eyes and I shook violently with each sob; I felt my chest tighten. Raphael guided me carefully to the bathroom, filling the bathtub with cool water, soothing me. My frenzied breathing worsened, less and less oxygen making it into my lungs with each breath. I was losing all feeling.

Trying to scream, a tiny whisper escaped my lips. "Raph!" He had to do something.

Hands were instantly around my head, his flaming amber eyes met mine intensely. "Don'tcha do this t' me, Donny. I need ya t' breathe, bro. C'mon, listen to my voice; focus on me. Breathe. Tha's it." His rough baritone filled my consciousness, forcing my body to obey. Gradually, my breathing slowed, rising and falling in cadence with his words. A new wave of nausea washed over me; I closed my eyes.

I opened my eyes and found myself nestled comfortably in my own bed. Raphael was lounging lazily on my floor, listlessly twirling his sai.

"Oh, good, ya up." He raised an eye ridge and pushed himself up from the floor. "How ya feelin'?"

The color rose furiously in my cheeks, " I'm feeling alright.." I muttered, unable to look my brother in the eye.

An uncomfortable silence settled between us and I shifted nervously. I had screwed up so bad. I had to explain, though, my family deserved to know how much of a screw up I really was. I took a deep breath and the words began to pour.

"Raph, I'm so sorry I know I shouldn't have done it. It was a terrible mistake. I wanted to study it scientifically but that was an awful idea.."


"and it will never happen again. I am so sorry I let our family down. I don't know why I thought I could do this…"


"Master Splinter must think I'm a terrible son. If you and Mikey and Leo don't want to forgive me either, I'll understand…"

"DONNY!" He roared over my lengthy speech. I froze, mouth agape, mid-sentence. He walked towards me, perching on the foot of my bed and peered intently at me.

"I. Don't. Care." He stated simply, his voice soft. "Ya coulda done it 'cause ya thought it'd be fun and ya wanted a break from bein' smart an' responsible an' it wouldn't change how I feel. I'm not upset. There's nothing t' forgive. AND." He paused. "No, I don't hate you, before ya ask."

"But," I rasped, "I endangered our family… what will Master Splinter say?" I ventured meekly.

Raphael laughed, "If ya looking for someone t' get angry about that, you'll have t' tell Leonardo an' Splinta' yaself."

I blinked, "You mean they don't already know? They didn't see me last night?..."

He laughed again, "Hell no! Ya came stumblin' out ya room 'round 3. Everyone else was already asleep ."

"Oh. You didn't already tell them?" The words caught in my throat.

"Nah, there was no reason t'. Nobody asked." He shrugged, a bemused smile on his face. "You rest up. Call me if ya need anythin', 'k?" He started towards the door.

"Wait!" I called out. Why?"

Unfazed, he called over his shoulder without hesitation, ""Donny, ya can't honestly believe you're the only one of us who's ever done somethin' stupid like this.""

Raphael - Smoking Shadows

By Hannurdock (Non-Universe Specific)

Ta think I was gonna stay in tonight.

I came across some thugs breaking into TCRI with a crowbar. I leapt down into the middle of da group scattering them as my fist did the talkin'. Some of em were begging for a break by da time I'd shown em who was boss.

Raphael - One. Street Thugs - Nothin'.

I was just turnin' to go when I saw it - half smoked and still lit.

Splinter's face came to ma mind straight away. He had told us that we would come across temptations in da topside world.

I wasn't gonna try it at first, but I had this urge to bring the tip ta my beak and suck in the smoke. Just ta try it. I just wanted ta say I'd done it. I wanted ta know why humans stand there in da pourin' rain draggin' deep onto their lil death sticks. I saw 'em nightly - da smokin' club - outside every nightclub an' bar. All chattin' away and puffin' hard.

I picked it up and stared at it like I'd never seen one before. Must 'ave looked a right dork standing there with ma mouth half open and the coffin nail inbetween ma big fingers. I took off on da nearest fire escape and got myself somewhere quiet where I could tink. Didn' want no Foot sneakin' up behind me when I've got other tings on ma mind.

I knew I shouldn't. Splinter had told me da reasons why not. He said dat it was easy to get addicted to stuff like this. Smoking would dull ma reflexes and slow me down, or sometin' like that. Having a taste of it might make me wanna have more. Splinter said dat some humans wills were weaker, and they got addicted ta stuff like dis. He didn't want any of us riskin' dat.

Splinter wasn't here though. It was just me and the cig. It smelled bad, but I wanted ta try it. It was lookin' at me with it's tempting lit end and a small tendril o' smoke risin' and disappearin' inta da night sky. I moved inta da shadows some more. Don't want big bro Leo catchin' me either. He lectures me enough without addin' fuel to da fire.

So, I took a puff on it. Real long and slow, took it down right deep into my throat and felt the smoke in my lungs. That wasn't so bad. The taste was quite nice, and I felt like a movie star. I imagined maself in an old black and white movie, with a hot chick on ma arm. That's how it always worked, right? Smokin' looked so damn cool.

The next ting I know, I'm coughing like I've never coughed before. The cigarette has fallen, and I'm on ma knees retching. Ma brain is all fuzzy and I feel sick. Ma head is spinnin' and I'm shakin'. I focus on the cig and slow ma breathin' to control maself. This ain't good. I risk a look around and see no enemies comin' out of da shadows. I took a gamble on dis one.

It takes a few minutes ta calm down and I'm sweatin'. I take deep breaths as I feel ma limbs return to normal, and I clench ma fists in a rage. I get ta my feet and stomp on da cig angrily.

I won't be tryin' dat again.

Michelangelo - Phone Call

By Hannurdock (Non-Universe Specific)

It began at 3am one night when everyone was tucked up in bed. Mikey tumbled into the living area and picked up the ringing phone, mumbling a brief hello. Half an hour later, Don could hear voices in the lounge and blearily made his way over to where Mikey was sitting engrossed in conversation.

Who is it? Don asked in ninja sign language.

Mikey shook his head. Don't know. He signed. This guy is in a bad way. He's threatening to kill himself.

Don sat on the edge of the sofa and listened to Mikey patiently listen and gently advise. It was comical - Mikey was rarely ever serious, but now, here he was, listening intently and hanging on every word. After another ten minutes, Mikey hung up - deeply brooding.

"What did he want?" Don asked, now wide-awake.

"He feels he's been born into the wrong body, Donny. He says he's always felt like a girl." Mikey explained. "I felt really sorry for the guy - told him he needs to talk to his doctor and get something sorted out. I hope he can do it."

"Mike, go back to bed." Don said with a smile. "Try and get some sleep."

Mikey nodded and shuffled away to his own room. Moments later, the phone began to ring again. Mikey came bounding back on high alert. "What if it's him? The guy-girl? What if he needs me?"

Don sighed and gestured to the phone. "Go ahead. Answer it then."

Mikey picked up the receiver and listened intently to the voice on the other end. After another ten minute conversation with a desperate caller, Mikey eventually managed to put the phone down.

"It was another one. A guy who feels he's a girl on the inside." Mikey was deep in thought. "Donny, why are they ringing me?"

Don shrugged. "I don't know."

Mikey bounced off to bed and Don got himself a drink from the kitchen before returning to his own room.

Moments later, the phone started to ring.

Cursing his bad luck, Don went back into the livingroom and reached out for the phone. Just before his fingers curled around the receiver, Mikey jumped between him and the phone - answering with a sombre hello.

Don sat on the edge of the sofa and listened as Mikey again engaged in a deep and reflective conversation with the new caller.

The next day was one phone call after another. Master Splinter was getting annoyed by Mikey's sudden popularity with the transgender community and asked Don to work out why The Lair was now a counselling service.

Donny got straight to work, investigating the issue with methodical logic.

"Well?" Raph asked after half an hour. "Got anything, Brainiac?"

"Erm, yeah." Donny looked up from his computer. "It seems as if our number has been put on the New York Transgender Website by accident. The numbers are virtually identical - and someone on that website made a huge mistake."

"I'll say." Raph smirked. "Imagine having Mikey for a counseller."

"I've emailed the website and they've taken down our number. The calls should start to slow down from now on." Donny said, switching off his computer and joining his brothers in the dojo.

"Now." Splinter sighed and shook his head. "Without any further distractions we will all concentrate on Sanchin no Kata ...."

The phone began to ring.

".... Michelangelo?" The rat tilted his head at his youngest son with a faint grimace. "It appears someone of an unknown orientation requires your assistance."

Mikey bowed deeply and bounced off to answer the phone.

Work in Progress